Happy. holidays.

I loved the holidays as a kid.

Then I hated it.

Why you may ask? I stopped understanding the purpose of holiday traditions .

Example:

1. You put up a tree that was otherwise crumpled in a box somewhere. Or even sadder — cut down a beautiful tree from a forest and expect the now dead thing to somehow light up your home.
2. Fireworks — pretty, magical. Dogs hiding under beds, scared for their lives.
3. You buy a shit ton of things. Clothes, food, gifts — to show people you care. All the while, the kids who stitched the clothes and boxed the gifts in dodgy little factories probably go to bed hungry.

Today I sat down and tried to make sense of these things. I am surely just being cynical yes?

1. Putting up a tree is a good thing. It’s a symbol of joy, brings the family together, makes the world a happier place with all its little lights?

(But no, letting trees stand their ground, letting the stars come out and not be overshadowed by our lights — that’s prettier, surely?)

2. Fireworks are absolutely amazing. I remember New Years’s eve a few years ago. We watched fireworks light up the Colombo sky at midnight and felt hope and joy for the year to come.

(my poor puppy at home probably didn’t think he’d make it to the next year — not very hopeful, no. But what about the joy it gave all those people? )

3. I love buying gifts. I love thinking of what to get for each person. What have they been going on about all year? What will make them think of me? Will they smile, laugh or cry when they open what I gave them ?

( But a hug to make them feel loved and safe, a text that reminds them that they matter, a note to thank them for looking out for me — means so much more and hurts the world a lot less. Surely? but will they feel the same way? ).

This year I’m not sure how I feel about the holidays.

Happy — that it makes me reflect, take time for myself, spend time with the furry babies and read some good books.

Not so happy — because it hurts people and the planet so much more than a regular time of the year would.

So Happy. Holidays.